Help Me Understand
by cherik-mcbender
Summary: After Erik and Charles have an enormous fight, Hank reprograms Cerebro so that Erik and Charles can both experience what it's like to have the other's powers.


_**Prompt:**__ I kind of have a prompt but I don't want you to feel compelled to write it because I know you have received quite a fair amount lately. My prompt is kind of influenced by Rogue's ability to absorb Logan's healing powers. I was thinking maybe Hank creates a machine where mutants can temporarily exchange their powers and Erik and Charles experience what it feel's like to be like on another. Maybe they have a brief disagreement because I can't imagine Erik agreeing to do so willingly. :-) Thanks_

Hank was practically jumping up and down when he barged into Charles' classroom. "Professor! I got it. I figured it out."

Charles stood up quickly and walked around his desk. "You got it to work?"

"Yes!" Hank exclaimed. "It's just a rerouting of the directional probes in Cerebro. So Cerebro will be out of commission when we reprogram it, but we can just switch it back when we're done. I'm thinking I'll call it Verto. Because it sounds a little bit like Cerebro, but it's actually from the Latin from 'to turn,' so it makes perfect sense because, in essence, a mutant is just turning his powers and – "

"Brilliant, Hank. Amazing work. How soon can you get it running?"

Hank removed his smudged glasses and wiped them impatiently with the hem of his shirt. "Well, if I get started now, and if you can come help me – you're the only one who understands the mechanics of Cerebro, so you're the only one I trust to work on her – then probably within a few hours."

"All right, then. Why don't you head out there now? And…do me a favor and send Erik in. I'll join you in a moment."

Hank hesitated and then nodded, excitement making his eyes twinkle. He turned on his heel and disappeared out the door.

A few minutes later, Erik knocked lightly on the door and then stepped inside. "You called me…? Via your…overenthusiastic servant?"

"Hey, Hank does what he wants."

"Yes, and he'd do anything to impress you. He's like a lovesick puppy."

Charles was silent. He was thinking about how people used to say he and Erik were lovesick.

"Why did you call me in here?" Erik asked. "I have things to do."

"Hank – excuse me, _my lovesick puppy _– finished the algorithm for that program I had the idea for."

Erik's malice slipped away slowly as his eyes widened, reminding Charles of the sweet Erik he had fallen in love with. "A way for us to experience each other's powers?"

Charles nodded. "Would you still like that?"

"I…I would," Erik said. "Do you think there's any hope for us? Do you think this might help?"

Charles rubbed his eyes so hard he saw stars, trying to wipe away the pressure he felt building up in his head. "I don't know. I'm hoping."

It had been over two weeks since their fight – a fight so big and loud that all the students in the school had crept out of their rooms and stood outside Charles and Erik's bedroom door, the younger ones starting to cry and the older ones comforting them with hushed words and hugs, their own faces plastered with worry.

Though neither of them acknowledged it, both Charles and Erik replayed the fight every night before they went to sleep and each morning when they woke up. Charles would twist and turn, tangled in the sheets of the bed that used to be so warm and now felt enormous and empty. And Erik would lie completely still on the couch in Raven's room, staring at the ceiling, listening to Charles' pleading and frustration and his own shouts echo in his ears. It had started with such a simple thing – Erik had accidentally destroyed their new metal lamp.

_"Erik, you need to get better control of your power."_

_"Calm down, Charles. It's just a lamp."_

_"Yes, it's a lamp now, but you could seriously hurt someone one day."_

_"What are you saying? Are you saying I would want to hurt someone?" Erik snapped._

_"No, of course not. I just think that you have a tendency to lose control, and if you do, someone could – accidentally – get hurt," Charles said, his voice low._

_"You think I'm some sort of monster, don't you? You don't get it. You don't get what I've been through. I'mtrying. There's metal everywhere. It's like I always have to have my focus on two places. I can never focus on my work, I can never focus on you – "_

_"Not like you do anyway," Charles muttered._

_"What was that?"_

_"Forget it."_

_"No! You don't get to do that."_

_"Look, it's not easy for me either. You can't focus? Well boo-hoo," Charles mocked. "I have to live with that every moment. If I don't consciously stop it, I can hear what everyone is thinking, I can feel everything. I can feel every twinge of pain or frustration that anyone feels. It's horrible, Erik. Don't you get that?"_

_"Well maybe if you just listened to those goddamn voices in your head, you could learn some empathy, Charles!" Erik yelled._

_Charles stared at him, his jaw tight. "Leave."_

_"Don't you dare tell me what to do."_

_"Leave, or I'll make you," Charles hissed._

_"Oh sure, now you like your power. Because it can make your boyfriend do whatever you want him to. Stop trying to control me, you obsessive – "_

_"GET OUT!" shouted Charles. "You're going to hurt someone one day, mark my words. And with any luck, I won't be there to see it. Now get the hell out of my room."_

Charles had spent a week infuriated. Certain that he was right. But after his anger passed, it was replaced by confusion and sorrow. Which is when he had started staying up every night, scribbling down ideas for his new program, constantly calling Hank and discussing theories and potential experimental trials. Hank had told Erik about it, but no direct communication between Charles and Erik had taken place. Until now.

"Okay," Erik said softly. "I would like to try it, Charles."

Charles looked up from his hands. "You would? You would. Okay, um…it's almost ready. I've got to work with Hank on the mechanics, but…can you meet us out there at around…noon?"

Erik nodded. "Okay." Then he turned and left without another word.

A few hours later, Charles's hands and face were covered in grease; his white button-down shirt had been rolled up to his elbows but was still stained with oil and dirt. He was wiping his palms on a rag when Erik climbed up the steps of Cerebro and into the center of the enormous sphere. He and Hank had attached another helmet to the first one, rerouting several of the connections and bending the satellites and panels ever so slightly so that the radiation bounced back into the center of the sphere instead of spreading out in all directions. Instead of seeing the world, Charles and Erik would see each other.

Charles pushed his hair out of his face, smearing more grease into his forehead. Erik resisted the temptation to reach out and wipe it away. Instead, he followed Hank over to the new helmet, letting him fasten it over his head. Charles hooked himself up to the original one, holding Erik's gaze steadily. "You look like a lab rat," Charles muttered. Neither of them smiled.

Hank scratched his nose. "Okay, I think we're all set. Since I just developed the program, it's not going to last long. Just a couple of minutes. But here's what's going to happen – your physical presence will stay here and you'll maintain your power. Everything will stay the same physically. But mentally, you'll have lost your power and taken on the other person's, and you'll be able move away from Cerebro – or Verto, if you will," he amended happily, "and walk around and live as the other person does. You'll be able to see your physical body, and actually, you'll probably also be able to see the other person's mental form. But this'll only last for a couple minutes. All good?"

Charles nodded, comfortable in the helmet he was so used to. Erik, fidgeting uncomfortably, blinked his agreement.

"Great! Okay. You'll feel a little pinch, but that'll go away fairly quickly. Hang on!" Hank jumped over to the control panel, rubbed his hands together, and then yanked a lever down, rotated three dials, and jammed his hand down on a button.

It was definitely more than a little pinch. Both Charles and Erik shouted as red-hot electricity zipped into their heads – but it didn't last more than a second. Then they opened their eyes, and everything was vibrant, sharpened into heightened clarity.

Charles slipped out from his body, walking away from it without a second glance. Erik watched him for a second and then did the same, shivering as he felt his solid form separate. Completely silent, they both walked down the stairs and out into the field next to Cerebro.

When they had left the cushioned safety that Cerebro provided, both froze, their bodies tingling with their new powers.

Charles' fingers started twitching, aware of every bit of metal within miles, his nerves hot-wired, his body fully aware that one wrong move could turn a kitchen knife miles away into a murder weapon. His body twitched uncontrollably, his head pounding with the focus it took to stand still, to keep on his feet.

Erik had immediately crumpled to the dewy grass, his fingers twisted into his hair, attempting to mute the thundering echoes inside his mind. He would've screamed, but it hurt too much. He could hear every one of the hundreds of students in the adjacent school. He could hear everything. _That test was so hard – hey, watch where you're going – I don't know, he didn't tell me – I got a letter from home, but it was from my sister – my mom still hasn't acknowledged I exist, ever since she found out – I hate being a mutant – I want to go home – I love this place – I hate you – I like you – Stop telling me what to do – Can't you leave me alone – _Erik squeezed his eyes shut and tried desperately to focus on the one thing that would calm him down. _ Charles, think about Charles. Think about_ – He opened his eyes and realized he was muttering Charles' name out loud, over and over.

Charles was standing stock-still a few feet away, his fingers curling into fists and then straightening as he breathed rapidly, wanting to control his emotions and keep everything in check. His eyes were stinging, his mind continually filling with frantic thoughts as he tried to focus. "Erik," he whispered. "I'm so sorry, Erik."

Then, just as soon as it had started, it was over. The fiery zap shot through their skulls, but neither of them even noticed it; it was nothing compared to what they had just experienced.

Charles opened his eyes immediately and stared at Erik, whose eyes were still shut, his face wet with tears, his jaw clenching and unclenching.

Hank buzzed around them, unhooking them from the machines, speaking rapidly about the results he had collected, but neither of them heard him.

Erik had opened his eyes and was gazing right back at Charles. "I never knew," he whispered, his voice catching.

Charles fought against the lump in his throat. "Neither did I," he murmured.

Hank turned off the final lever and announced them free to go. "I've just got some cleanup. I'll see you back at the school."

Charles and Erik left without speaking, never moving their gaze from each other. When they reached the lawn, their hands found each other, their fingers intertwining. They held on tightly, each feeling as though the world would slip away if he let go.

When they had reached the center of the field, they stopped. Erik touched his free hand to Charles' cheek. "I never meant to hurt you. I never wanted that, and I never will."

"I know," Charles rasped. "I know. And I won't ever doubt you again. I will love you forever, Erik. Forever." He raised his face to Erik's. Erik pressed his lips to Charles', kissing him gently but firmly, never letting go of his hand.


End file.
